January 27th, 2001

scotto monkeypulse

In the POE news...

Man sues for getting drunk while trying to get drunk
John Remley of Norwood wants more than $1 million after an ''all-you-can-drink'' contest left him falling-down drunk.

Super Bowl Records
The NYpost has the criminal reports of 16 players for years Superbowl. I think your kid will be less likely to get into trouble playing violent videogames then he will if he joins organized sports - just no one wants to prove that in a study.

New Bill Aimed at Drunken Politicians
In a jab at a rival whom they suspect of drunkenness, three representatives in Puerto Rico's Legislature have filed a bill aimed at preventing lawmakers from drinking on the job.

Stacked and Packed Woman Going Back to Jail
Crippen was arrested by federal agents last fall after they learned she had posed nude with weapons. Photographs taken by her boyfriend eventually landed on the Internet. The photos showed Crippen, who was still serving a sentence for distributing methamphetamine, wearing an ankle monitoring bracelet. After she was arrested, her prison term was reinstated.

I am sure she made G Gordon Liddy proud.

I'll Give You $50 for that Kid's Thymus Glands
The hospital at the centre of a row over organ retention has admitted for the first time that it gave glands from live children for research purposes in return for cash.
Liverpool's Alder Hey Hospital has admitted taking the organs and giving them to a pharmaceutical company in return for cash donations.

Pat On Butt A-Okay!
Italy's Supreme Court has decided that a little unexpected pat on the bottom at work does not amount to sexual harassment -- as long as it's only occasional.

Goat Sex Too Loud
Queenie Hollon is fed up with the commotion coming from her neighbor's home every night, but it's not a booming stereo or an all-night party keeping her awake. It's her neighbor's amorous goats.

Zero Tolerance Is Always Stupid
Dugan caught his 15-year-old son smoking marijuana at home last week, took away TV and phone privileges, then called Buckeye High School to help catch the student who sold his boy a $5 joint.
Instead of helping, the school expelled the student and refused to take action against the dealer. School admins were just following their own rules - The no Narc Rules?

Is Anyone Leaving Now that Bush was Elected?
After threatening to expatriate themselves if Bush won the election, most would-be celebrity defectors put the back pedal to the metal.
Can someone please find a reason for Eddie Vedder to leave already? Alors, où est tout le monde maintenant?
scotto monkeypulse

naw... wait.. that's not right..

The Eagles

Hotel California

On a Trent Reznor Friday... Cool-Whip in my hair
Corndogs and burritos, rising up through the air
Starting guard for the Pistons has never met Bobby Knight
My bread was levened and my beard was trimmed...
I have a slight overbite
I've never seen all of "Porkies," or owned a Packard Bell
And I was thinkin' to myself,
"If I could breakdance, man that would be swell."
Then I beat up a Chancellor, and I sprayed him with mace
You could hear them down the corridor... playing Ace of Bass

Welcome to the hotel. Now, to porn ya.
It's a rugby place. Here's my cello case.
There's plenty of room at the hotel. Now, I'll warn ya:
You can have a beer, but you'll lose an ear.

Her mom is Tiffany's sister. She quotes from mid-eighties bands
"Do you know NSync or Backstreet Boys?" "Well, that depends."
Bagger Vance is a retard. Sweet, smelly fat.
Some "Dance Fever" members haven't gotten past that.

So pulled out the Pac-Man. Beat through it just fine.
I said, "I haven't got my nipple pierced since 1969."
And still those oysters are crawlin', so flog away.
Made you burp in the middle of a fight... just to hear them say...

(chorus)

(break)

Pickles on the ceiling. I think Amway's all right.
and she said, "we are all just Presidents... here, have a fudge delight."
and in the pastor's manger, they'd rather have roast beef.
They cut it with their silly knives but they just can't cut the meat.

Last thing I remember... I was running door to door.
Knocking as I passed them by, then I'd hide behind the porch.
"Relax," said the nightgown, "we are clothes used to conceal."
You can shuffle any time you like, but you can never deal.

(guitar solo til fade)