May 14th, 2001

scotto monkeypulse

word of the day

ossify \AH-suh-fy\, intransitive verb:
1. To change into bone.
2. To become hardened or set in a rigidly conventional pattern.

transitive verb:
1. To become bone; to change from a soft tissue to a hard bony tissue.
2. To harden; to mold into a rigidly conventional pattern.
scotto monkeypulse

more evil news

Man Who Used Mom's Neck As Tee - Can't Sue Dr.
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Three days after Alfred L. Head walked out of the psychiatric unit at Inova Fairfax Hospital in July 1998, he beat his mother to death with a baseball bat in their Reston home. Less than two months earlier, he'd been in the same unit after slashing his throat to the windpipe and leaping headfirst off a balcony. Yesterday, a Fairfax County jury rejected his father's claim that Head's doctors and nurses were responsible for Zona Head's death because they let Head leave the hospital. A separate suit for medical negligence, filed by Head himself, is still pending. "I could lose control at any time. I could end it right here."
http://washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A12621-2001May10.html

More Pot! Less... Less... I Forget But We Should Have Less
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Berkeley's newly adopted medical marijuana ordinance once again became the center of debate last night, when 180 patients, doctors, and activists protested the amount of legal possession. Protesters argued that the ordinance, passed by the Berkeley City Council in March, is too restrictive.
http://www.dailycal.org/article.asp?id=5527&ref=news

Dear Killer
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Looking for a pen pal? David Anderson might be just the guy. Or maybe Steven Sherer. That is, of course, if you don't mind that Sherer is locked in prison near Walla Walla for the next 60 years for killing his wife, whose body has never been found. "If you're willing to take a chance and look past the charge I'm being held for, which I did not do, then write me and let's see where this goes,"
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/134294252_anderson11m.html

Caregiver Lets Parents Have It
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Parents of an autistic child have alleged that one of their son's caregivers left harassing voice messages for them during their son's treatment.
"You're the criminal for letting your wife drink alcohol while she was pregnant with Ronnie, giving him fetal alcohol syndrome and therefore being born autistic," the voice on the message says. "You're the criminal, you ---hole."
"That's OK, go ahead and quote me. You're a jerk. You're a fricking jerk."
http://www.thenewmexicochannel.com/alb/news/stories/newmexiconews-76464320010510-090500.html

WNBA to Target Lesbians
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Team-sanctioned appearances by Sol players at lesbian bars are a regular occurrence, Mayo said, and their marketing department places ads in local lesbian magazines.
http://www.planetout.com/pno/news/article.html?2001/05/10/3

Men Don't Love Women With Tumors
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SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Men are more likely than women to leave spouses with cancerous brain tumors, a stressful diagnosis that has led to a surprisingly high divorce rate for female patients, a U.S. researcher said on Saturday.
http://my.aol.com/news/news_story.psp?type=1&cat=0200&id=0105122012095396

New School Puzzles
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When a substitute teacher asked students in a sixth-grade math class at Elwood Middle School to ponder how Farmer Brown would rid his garden of pesky rabbits, they dove into the brain teaser. Farmer Brown had a chance to eradicate the animals using everything from a shotgun to a howitzer.
But this time, bizarre scenarios were portrayed in the stories. In addition to Farmer Brown's task, one problem asked students to contemplate how beer-brand-named teachers, like Mrs. Schlitz, would punish noisy students. The options included no recess, whipping and shooting.
http://www.indystar.com/print/citystate/fri/articles/regionlead11.html

Attack On Baby!
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An incident involving a 23-month-old baby who was bitten at least 12 times by an adult is under investigation by Abilene police.

http://www.click2houston.com/sh/news/texas/stories/news-texas-77084220010513-120515.html

Doctor Heals Patients With Penis
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A local doctor who used sex to "cure" patients was arrested Friday and charged with a rare felony crime. Dr. Marvin Stone was arrested after the Houston Police Department Vice Squad uncovered that his therapy sessions included sex with patients. Police said that male patients were given women to have sex with.
"He verbally depicted what sex he was going to receive, what kind of therapy he was going to receive: anal sex, oral sex, regular sex,"
http://www.click2houston.com/hou/news/stories/news-77026520010511-190507.html

White History Month Canceled
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Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore has revoked a proclamation declaring May "European Heritage and History Month" after learning that a white separatist group had made the request.
http://www.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2001/5/11/152202.shtml
scotto monkeypulse

Largest tumor removed intact - guinness book more to follow

Who: N/A
When: Oct-1991
Where: N/A
What: 303 lbs

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The largest tumor removed intact was a multicystic mass of the right ovary weighing 137.6 kg. (303 lb.). The operation was performed by Professor Katherine O'Hanlan of Stanford University Medical Center, California, USA.

The growth had a diameter of 1 m. (3 ft.) and was removed in its entirety in October, 1991, from the abdomen of an unnamed 34-year-old woman. The patient - who weighed 95 kg. (210 lb.) after the operation, and who has made a full recovery - left the operating theatre on one stretcher, with her cyst on another.

Side note - (The woman who had the tumor was agoraphobic and had been bed-ridden for the last two years. It was in her abdomen. When they did the pathology report they found out it was benign but had "hair and teeth" growing in it. )

More info - from my hero, Cecil of the straight dope -

A friend told me about a woman who had a tumor removed from her ovary (or something in that area), and the tumor had hair and teeth. She was young and I think a virgin, so this couldn't have been the beginnings of a baby. Have you heard of this happening, or is my friend pulling my leg?

All together now: Ewwwwww.

No, the tumor wasn't the beginnings of a baby. But yeah, it might have had hair and teeth. Dunno about you, but this ranks way up there on the list of things I could stand not to know.

The tumor we're talking about here is called a teratoma. At one time teratomas (which are usually benign) were thought to originate in some sort of embryonic or quasi-embryonic cell gone wrong. But most experts now consider them a type of germ-cell tumor--in this case a tumor involving an egg. Though the egg is unfertilized, tumor-driven cell division results in a lot of the same stuff you see in a developing fetus, including cartilage, bone, teeth, hair, brain tissue, and sometimes even bowel, skull, vertebrae, and eyes. It's all chaotically arranged and bears no resemblance to an actual embryo. Nonetheless, since larger teratomas can weigh several pounds ... well, I suppose all cancer is pretty weird. But this kind is weirder than most.

I found images, http://hsc.virginia.edu/med-ed/path/gyn/ovary3.html at that site. search the page for the word tooth, if you dare.

This is totally fascinating to me... A tumor using t-cells to build some pretty advanced body elements. sweetalyssm pointed my noggin in this direction when we got to talking about goiters and gout. you have to admire a girl that can be clinical and enjoy the ick factor, as well as the scientific aspects of a concept such as this.