June 14th, 2001

scotto monkeypulse

evil news strikes!

A Robber Snatched My Exam
Five hooded robbers holding up an Athens post office Tuesday took off with hundreds of algebra, Latin and chemistry exam papers instead of millions of drachmas, a post office spokesman said.

How To Get Free Donuts
A Knox County man accused of posing as a State Highway Patrol trooper to get free meals was charged last week with impersonating an officer after someone called his bluff and notified the patrol.

World's Biggest Germ Breeding Ground Opened
A tropical resort sprouted on the streets of Manhattan as former "Baywatch" star and Playboy model Carmen Electra slipped into a bathing suit and shared the world's biggest hot tub with about 70 of her closest friends.
"It's too wet and wild in there!"

Ban Happy Hour
A crime prevention charity is calling for a ban on happy hours in bars, pubs and clubs. The National Association for the Care and Rehabilitation of Offenders (Nacro) says bar promotions encourage rapid drinking can lead to binge drinking and violence.
"It is all rather depressing that people are proposing to ban happiness."

The Morning After Risky Sex Pill
The equivalent of a "morning-after" pill will be given to people who suspect
they have been exposed to HIV.

Pot Is Good For Everything
In a study appearing in a scientific journal today, researchers have found that
marijuana users may be able to smoke and eat all they want without gaining
``They were eating more. They consumed more calories but their body weight was
somewhat lower,'' Smit said yesterday.
``I've heard of this so-called munchie attack. I guess it's kind of a gateway
drug to potato chips.''

Orphans Said Hurt by Stutter Tests
For four months during the Great Depression, Mary Tudor instructed a handful of children at an Iowa orphanage in a lesson they would never forget - she taught them to stutter.
The experiment eventually led to a theory that helped thousands of children overcome the speech impediment. But it also condemned some of the children in Tudor's class to lives as outcasts and misfits.
scotto monkeypulse

word of the day - sui generis

sui generis \soo-eye-JEN-ur-us; soo-ee-\, adjective:
Being the only example of its kind; constituting a class of its own; unique.

Sui generis is from Latin, literally meaning "of its own kind": sui, "of its own" + generis, genitive form of genus, "kind."

Dedicated to my darling, who is most certainly a sui generis woman... and I love her for it.
scotto monkeypulse

good morning.

My face has been scraped, the body soaped, steamed, pressed and rubbed. A healthy poop evacuated, and a breakfast composed of french toast, juice and coffee is due in about an hour. (I've decided to reward Danny for driving me all over creation by buying him breakfast before we get down to brass tacks.) I'm playing milk ring fetch with Newtie... he didn't want to snuggle this morning, too much in pounce-mode. I don't know why he gave up on paperwads, but I'm really happy he resumed milk rings and twist-ties.

Going to seek out apartments before work. I really hope something avails itself to me today.

a bone from allen ginsberg's skeleton is used to hammer a dulcimer. the resulting notes heal a sad bird that had fallen into a crippling cycle of narcissism after weighing its own talon.
scotto monkeypulse

Jolly Roger

I just saw this in the bathroom -

"Staff are requested not to use the eye patches in this first-aid kit to impersonate 'pirates' or other characters. They are for medical use only."
Notice taped to the side of a first aid box

Man, I'll just have to bring mine from home. I didn't know I was allowed to do that at all!

YO HO! Yarr!