30> "Let me not to the marriage of two stars admit impediments -- except for prenups, Scientology and a complete lack of sexual chemistry."
29> "When thou cravest her and thy balls be blue, to thine own self be true -- if thou knowest what I meaneth."
28> "I seek to find those amongst thee as have released the canine beasts."
27> "If the glove fitteth not, acquiteth you must."
26> "Out, out damn spot! Lord Starr doth this way come!"
25> "In gold cannot my love for thee be wrought. Hark! Thy pimp approacheth!"
24> "No pickle, no lettuce -- shall onion be next?
By orders most special we ne'er are vexed.
To our humble servility, pray you, defer!
Permit us to serve thee as thou dost prefer.
Have it thy way..."
23> "Oh, what a tangled web we surf, for pics of Britney's astroturf."
22> "If thou need your life upended,
Twisteth that dial and all is mended.
The Rage and Demons battle o'er hell...
See it, hear it, feel it -- the XFL!
(Tonight on UPN at 8, 7 central)"
21> "Prick us, do we not bleed? Kick the guy next to us in the nads, do we not laugh mightily?"
20> "Egad, methink that will leave a scar. Be thou in good health, Julius? Julius? Quick, grab his wallet, I'll get his sandals."
19> "Hath not a spud eyes? And, too, a dark spot that you really should cut out before cooking?"
18> "Good Friar Laurence, bear witness of this potion thou hast given me -- will't rest upon mine posterior and lik'n't unto that of an ox?"
17> "Is that a dagger I see before me, or art thou just glad to see me?"
16> "What fools these portals be -- and I, their investor!"
15> "There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio -- hey, donuts!"
14> "Begone, jackanapes -- we have no need for badges reeking of the waste of monkeys."
13> "If damned Spot had been put out before nightfall, methinks the floor would be dry and sweeter fragranced anon."
12> "Address thy discourse to the elbow, for mine hand careth not."
11> "I beg thee, sirrah, gather up thy tongue; 'tis Pat Morita at which you gaze -- not Connie Chung."
10> "What ho, good lord! To what end dost thou employ'st thy time upon this goodly planet?"
"Lo; as I partake in observance of this most excellent spectacle of sport, I do most heartily raise a vessel of ale and quaff it thus."
9> "O insolent chad, most feebly attach'd, how thy dimpled visage doth confound noble intention!"
8> "Come, pull my finger; so that thou may'st see that silent things may also deadly be."
7> "A wiffle ball hit into Hamlet's crotch is the soul of wit."
6> "A horse! A horse! Of course... of course..."
5> "We are such stuff as dreams are made of where thy final exams commence without thy knowledge and thou lookest down to find thyself bereft of pantaloons."
4> "My deeds would go unpunish'd, but for thee, ill-mannered meddling kids, and Scooby Doo!"
3> "I have defeated the French at Agincourt this Crispian's Day, and hence shall hie me to Disneyworld."
2> "Thou killed my father
To get to my mother,
But here is the ringer:
Thou can bloweth me, Chester --
I'll see thee on 'Springer.'"
1> "Cry 'havoc,' and let loose the Chihuahuas of inconvenience."